Dessa Simanga
The number of people on anti-depressants, mood stabilisers, anxiety medication and any other mental health-related medications is just shocking! Not to mention those who are dealing with mental health issues in silence. The statistics are appalling!
How many times do you say “I am fine” when you aren’t actually? Story of many of our lives, right? How many times do you see family members, friends, colleagues or subordinates struggling?
You know, it took me a great deal of time to realise that I needed to put myself first and prioritise myself and my mental well-being above all else, even if the decisions that came with doing so were not exactly the popular choice.
A couple of years ago, I had what some might call an “accomplished life”. I had so much going for me. I was a graduate, had a job, a roof over my head that I paid for, family and friends who cared about me, and basically everything that society deems as an accomplishment for a person my age at the time. But despite having achieved all these, I still felt a sense of emptiness – I was discombobulated.
Everything just became so difficult to do. I went from loving my job to feeling like it was suffocating me. I was not sleeping well and waking up in the morning quickly became the hardest task of the day. It got to a point where I would be called in for hearings to explain why I was taking days off work every other week. Meanwhile, while dealing with all this, I would walk around the office with a bright smile every day even though being around people proved harder each day because I was expected to love it there. I started to pass on outings and constantly felt drained even when I had not been busy at all. Honestly, the best part of my day was my solitude at home. As an extrovert this was rather strange – It wasn’t in my nature to want to be alone.
See, what they do not teach us is that depression does not have a face. I do not even think I realised I was depressed until much later on. At some point during this grim time in my life, I was convinced that perhaps the emptiness was because I was not happy at work and that the environment made it worse, so I decided to jump ship and looked for another job. This worked for a little while, but the feeling came back again. It was at this point that I knew that I needed to do some self-introspection and seek help. And then it hit me – I did not know or recognise myself anymore. I was a stranger to myself. I would wake up in the morning and throw myself into the deep wild without any sense of direction and goal. So even though I had an amazing boss in my new role (Thank you, Corrie) and colleagues, I needed to take care of myself first before I could be productive in any environment.
This was honestly the best decision I could have made. I began to surround myself with people who made me happy, I started to relax more, I started to open up about how I was feeling and smiled genuinely this time. It was like the weight of the world was lifted off my shoulders and I was able to breathe again. I had finally found myself again. Maybe a new me, but it was still me. I could not be happier with the version of myself that I wake up to now every day. Your most important asset is your mind. Take care of it. “Not until we are lost do we begin to understand ourselves.”
– Henry David Thoreau.
Depression is real and so many people are struggling in silence. Some people like myself are not aware instantly that they have fallen into depression. Some of the signs and symptoms to look out for are constant feeling of worthlessness, suicidal thoughts or ideations, lack of concentration, lack of sleep, loss of appetite, loss of interest in activities that would previously bring pleasure to oneself, irritability, low energy, low mood and fatigue. There are many more symptoms that you can research and read on. If you are this person, please seek help. If you know this person, help them seek assistance. You could be saving a life. Help them find themselves again.