Someone once asked why some women stay in relationships for longer periods of time than they’d like to before getting married. Many women stay in relationships for years with hopes of marital commitment without making their frustrations known to their partner, not knowing what the future holds with a partner who doesn’t communicate, and feeling like it’s not their place to speak up.

Any issue that concerns your life is and should be your place and concern. It shouldn’t be solely up to the man to decide when he will marry his partner. Marriage is a union between two; both lives will be affected equally, hence why both should have a say in where their future is headed.

Some women fear they may run off a guy by requesting for marital commitment. It’s not too much to ask from a long-term partner unless they have no intentions of marrying you. If it’s not a commitment they want, then why are they in the relationship?

For many of us, it’s simply a norm and the way things have always been done: the man proposes, and so everything depends on his readiness, regardless of how the woman feels. If you look at the history of gender roles in society, back then, it made sense because men were the sole breadwinners of households, and their family’s financial security depended solely on their income. However, since then, things have changed, so it should not be like this anymore. Women are part of the workforce and these days you find that many women earn more than their partners. You have to then ask yourself, why is this tradition still relevant?

Not everyone wants to get married and that is okay, but those intentions should always be made clear to your partner. Give them the choice to decide whether they want to stay or not. Have open communication about what your needs and expectations are, for if you don’t speak up about whether or not these needs can be met, how will you know where you’re headed? If you stay in a relationship knowing you don’t intend to meet your partner’s needs, yet you give them false hope, you’re basically abusing this person’s time for your own satisfaction. 

To the women stuck in this predicament, reclaim your power and get out of a hopeless situation. Stop thinking you have no say in the matter, because you have just as much say in how your future plays out, just as the person you’re in a relationship with. 

It’s too critical a matter for one person to handle. 

You are just as important, and that’s why deciding how long to date before marrying should never be one person’s decision ever again.

* Paula Christoph’s column concentrates on positive and inspirational write-ups every second Friday in the New Era newspaper.