Most of us wish our parents had been more understanding. We wish we had parents with whom we could simply share our emotions – parents who would always be available. Here are some suggestions for how to be the parent you wish you had.
Listen to your child
Give your entire attention to your child. There is a difference to be made between hearing and listening. Listening involves keeping eye contact and putting an end to whatever you are doing at the time. This not only strengthens your bond with your child, but it also instils trust in them.
Play with your child
Playing with your child is a great method to help them develop communication abilities and discipline. However, in my humble view, it fosters a friendship link between you and your child. It makes them feel comfortable, making it easier for them to tell you about any problems they might be experiencing.
Master your child
Knowing your child entails more than just learning what she or he enjoys; it additionally includes learning to accept your child without comparing him or her to other children. Your child is unique, and no other child can be like them; you should accept this reality with gratitude. When you compare your child to other children, they feel less worthy. As a result, your child develops low self-esteem.
Be available
I recognise that the majority of us are physically there for our children yet emotionally absent. Normalise asking your child about their school day. Ask as to why they say it was good or terrible in detail. Inquire about their friendships – whether they are subjected to bullying at school. They may be the ones bullying others at times; find out wisely. Assure them that they are protected and show them love.
Choose your words wisely
As we all know, words have more shaping power than a knife. As a parent, you should choose your words carefully. What you say to your child influences their actions. Unfortunately, most of us believe children forget easily. Whatever you say to them will be stored in their subconscious. This is the area of the mind that is not immediately in focus yet records everything that is expressed. Negative comments spoken to your child will be recorded in their subconscious mind and will affect them as they grow, resulting in childhood trauma.
Reward your child
Be humble enough to reward both positive and negative behaviour in your child. Rewarding them for excellent work encourages them to continue working hard. Negative reinforcement prevents negative behaviour. This will teach your child how to act according to the moral ethics that society has agreed upon. Remember that if you spoil your child, they will be the ones to suffer consequences.
Manage your emotions
The majority of the children become secondary targets of their parents’ impulsive actions. This is referred to as displacement. It occurs when someone displays impulsive actions toward an alternative target rather than the one they had in mind. This is because the original target is seen as unacceptable. For example, if your boss has made you upset, it is improper to respond to him aggressively. As a result, you replace your child with your manager and direct your frustration at him or her.
Finally, offering your undivided attention teaches your child how to pay attention both at school and at home. Playing with them teaches them self-control, and getting to know them allows you to identify specific methods to assist them in various aspects of life. Furthermore, being available ensures their protection and provides them with a sense of belonging. Positive words said to your child can help prevent early trauma, which helps keep suicidal thoughts away.
Find healthier coping techniques to manage your emotions; avoid inappropriate defence mechanisms. If you follow these suggestions, you will be the parent you always wish you had. Happy parenting!
*Luise N Nathinge is a University of Namibia Clinical Psychology graduate.
– luisenathingeluisita@gmail.com