Tomas Nehale

Last week, shocking and disheartening news of an old man who arguably attempted to kill his spouse and subsequently went to hang himself due to infidelity, left many hearts in a gloomy state. Consequently, an inquisitive wave has crossed many minds as to why passion killing cases are escalating in Namibia.

Statistics have it that almost 35 women or girls die annually at the hands of their men because of passion killing. If I may ask: What’s wrong with Namibia men? What are the fundamental causes of these barbaric deeds? And, as a nation, how can we go about to ameliorate these inhumane deeds?

Money and material

The Bible makes it clear that money is the root cause of all evil, and I virtually concur with this biblical statement. Nowadays, most of the relationships’ love and stability are deeply anchored on money and materials. I have observed that most of us do not know how to court women with mere witty words. But, we go for shortcuts to the honey, yet bitter land. I mean, we mostly try to involve money and materials in our proposals. With money, we promise them heaven and earth. Such as “if you happen to be mine, I will pay for your studies; I will buy you a car; I will buy you a smart cell phone; I will pay for your rent, etc.” In other words, this insinuates that most such relationships do not grow from the heart or soul, but money and materials.

Room for disappointment

I often tell people to apply the Japanese philosophy called ‘yin yang’, a circular symbol with white and black sections. It depicts that in every goodness there is badness, and equally in every badness, there is goodness. It is true that they say love is blind. But, do not give it all. I mean, do not surrender every element of your existence onto your partner. One should always smartly leave room for disappointment in case things get bitter.

Probation

Probation doesn’t merely apply to novice employers. But we should as well scale it down to romantic relationships. As a man, give yourself ample time to meticulously judge and scrutinise every corner of your partner, before you risk it. Be observant. Know her behaviour, personality, what she likes and dislikes - and most importantly, her intimate family and friends. I know it’s very cumbersome to identify someone’s real character because ladies are good at pretending. In a nutshell, play your cards close to the chest.

Emotional management

We should train our brains and hearts to get used to absorb pain without retaliating or hurting your partner, regardless of how much you loved her or how much you spent on her. Prior to murdering her - what I would call ‘solving a problem with another problem’ - try to counsel yourself by rationalising the whole situation. If your heart can’t bear it, talk to someone you highly trust, go to social workers for psychosocial support, or go to religious institutions for courage and spiritual support. To cement my argument, Malcolm X once argued “if you focus on hurts, you will continue to suffer. If you focus on lessons, you will continue to grow.”

Parental involvement

Parents must always be watchful, responsible and supportive of their daughters before they fall for affluent lifestyles. The world is evolving, and Western culture is slowly but surely engulfing our societies too fast, to such an extent that it is now eroding away our African cultural norms.

Parents should be very vigilant when sending their daughters to school or university - they need to be extra careful and supportive of their daughters before they fall into the trap of contemporary world temptations and enticements. These are for instance Golf and Benz ‘hawks’ who would hyperbolically promise them heaven and earth. What these ‘hawks’ do if parents become irresponsible is that they take over parental roles, for example by paying rental fees, etc. Therefore, parents should profoundly and persistently educate their children about ‘the does’ and ‘the don’ts’ in today’s relationships.

In conclusion, there are certain things that our forefathers did in the past that we are failing to do today. Therefore, as a nation, we need to look back and dig deep into the formulas and recipes that our ancestors employed in their abusive, yet soothing relationships. In my opinion, I suggest the Ministry of Safety and Security should issue the young with ‘dating contracts’ so that parents would know who their children are involved with. Such contracts would enable those who feel robbed or simply want to claim back what they have spent on partners to do so through their families, rather than resorting to anger, rage and murder.