When I wrote an article about unemployment for the newspaper last year, I never imagined that this year I would have to experience exactly everything that I wrote. But also, I never realised how much worse unemployment can actually affect someone. The pandemic struck our country, it was immediate lockdown, and companies had to cut costs and… Boom! I was affected. I had been a receptionist at this company for three years... and I had to leave. It was sad.

At first, I got into a state of denial because I knew I could make money somehow, I mean, I cook. So, I immediately started making braai plates, burgers, pizzas and just started selling. I’d wake up every morning at 05h00 and start cooking. I had to be at the butchery every morning for fresh stock. It was a workload, but I was so driven and determined to do this. I was working every day, trying to save up as much as I can... and I was getting so much positive feedback from clients, which was my driving force. Running a business with zero experience is not easy. The pricing, the packaging, the portions; it’s not easy at all. Your aim is to make a profit and sometimes, you don’t even do that. It’s hard. However, everything was going so well, until things changed. I went from getting 20 orders to 7, as days passed, I got even less orders. That’s when reality set in. I just felt like the air was being removed from my lungs and I broke down...

“I’m actually unemployed”, the realisation of what was happening finally set in and fear crept in... I felt so drained and unhappy, I felt angry, but then I thought, if not me, it would’ve been any other colleague of mine in this situation. I shut down, and didn’t want to cook anymore. I just wanted to give up, to just drop everything and move back home... because I knew, it was not gonna be easy. It was never going to get better... I was cooped up in my room, under the covers... Taking sleeping pills, just to not be awake and feel... I would wake up at odd hours and just start crying. It sucks because now the pills wore off and you’re facing reality again. I started to panic, I wanted to sell my stuff, the TV, maybe the fridge... but then again, I worked so hard to buy myself all these things, and now I had to lose it all and start over? 

Unemployment sucks! You wake up one day and you just cry; the emptiness eats you up. Everyone is going to work, and you’re just cooped up in your room with nothing to do. You feel like you’re living a purposeless life ... But what sucks the most is how some people start to belittle you because of your status... People you thought were your friends start acting different. So, you’re dealing with so many painful woes right now. I’m an author, and for the past years I’ve written amazing stories, books and newspaper articles, but even writing doesn’t seem to matter anymore, I’m just blank. Lost. Withdrawn. But I’d say the worst days come when you need help. I’ve been employed since 2013, like I’ve always had a job and thus I’ve always managed to take care of myself financially. So, you can imagine how hard it is for me to ask for help. 

I was forced to put my pride aside and ask for help, and it sucks. That vulnerability, I don’t like it. However, I am so lucky to have friends who could help me in times like this, and I am so grateful, I am so humbled by the support. This experience is teaching me so much. You see, I always thought people exaggerated when they spoke about how hard unemployment is, up until I experienced it and I must say, it’s so painful knowing there are people who have been dealing with this for the longest time.

At least I don’t have much responsibility. I don’t have kids or a family to feed. I don’t have to eat every day... but someone out there is the only breadwinner in their house. This pandemic really removed food from people’s mouths. The thing is, with unemployment, it’s not only about the financial aspect, it’s everything. You feel worthless, you feel like your life is not going anywhere. You get so anxious and want to close yourself off from everyone. That emotional burden is what eats you up the most. You start doubting your truest potential. I have an IT degree, up to six years’ working experience in different sectors, and I can’t get a job? 

What is wrong with me? All these doubts start to cripple your mind. You know what sucks the most? Knowing that it won’t be easy getting another job, especially during this pandemic. It’s not easy, but I just have to work with the talent God gave me and use that to make ends meet.

Look, I won’t give up. Every other day, I am applying for work, and I will keep applying. My advice, just keep applying because you never know when God will give you that break. Just keep applying. 

Please check up on your friends who are unemployed. Even a simple hi... Shower them with powerful words of affirmation and if you can, offer to even buy them cosmetics or something. I’ve realised that it’s the loneliness that eats you up most with this situation. You feel like there is no one there for you, and it breaks you. You pray to God to see your pain and remove it, but it remains stagnant. 

It’s true what they say, you never really know what someone is going through until you’ve walked a mile in their shoes. People are really struggling to make ends meet, and I am fully grasping what this means. I feel so bad for not understanding before. 

I know I’m not perfect, and I never did this back then. But I have learned, and I too am trying to help some of my unemployed friends where I can because I know they are scared to reach out because I get scared too. Someone very close to me said, “It will get harder before it gets easier, but just pray and put your faith in God, because I believe in you,” and that’s the energy I have in this journey. 

You must fail before you succeed. My advice to you who are employed? Have a backup plan... it doesn’t matter what it is, whether it’s selling Brazilians, having a bar, having a home shop, whatever it is, have a backup plan. I swear if I didn’t have Tashas eats, I don’t know how I would be surviving these harsh times. Even your savings can’t save you because they will eventually get depleted. Have a backup plan.