Magreth Nunuhe
Mbuae, the year has hardly begun. Can you not wait at least until mid-year when we have settled in well and have detoxified our bodies from all the meat, Matangaras, Mopani Worms, Omaere, Punya Punya, Castelo, Kaalgat, Perle Perlino, Ombike and Umqombothi before you shock us with news that some people have started eating grass in order to get closer to the Most High?
Ti Abotse, I almost fell off my chair when I saw people on television feasting on green grass somewhere in the country of our most southern neighbours. And to think I have just scolded my fellow countrymen and women for being so gullible and believing every gemors they hear. Remember that story about the doggie that kama gave birth to cats, the “resurrected prophet” who died for some hours, ‘went’ to heaven and back or the child who was vomiting rocks out of her body in Hakahana, Katutura?
Nothing could however have prepared me for this young ka-pastor who took faith to another level when he declared that you must eat grass or you will fly like an aeroplane. Mukuru ua kaparua (my goodness), I can only imagine if I were in that church and afraid of heights, what would have become of me. But if I were still a kanatje, I would have opted for the latter. As a matter of fact, as grown as I am now, I would have challenged that pastor to make me fly without wings and feel high like a kite.
On the other hand, I am very much afraid to joke about religious or strange phenomenon because I was raised in a Christian way where you never take the name of the Lord in vain. But unless this preacher was quoted out of context and was perhaps speaking in parables, I cannot understand how any human person could bow to their knees and literally chao food meant for cows.
Etsê, that’s mos stealing the few foodstuffs reserved for the poor non-meat eating community. Even though we humans were given dominion or authority over all living things, it doesn’t mean we can just jump into others’ baan just to prove a point. Imagine if all of a sudden goats and cows started eating meat too? Wouldn’t this be one !nomaxa affair where while milking a cow, she just starts nibbling on your ear?
I don’t need to go into specifics why people started vomiting or feeling sick after devouring the grass, as science is very clear on the matter. In principle, people can actually eat grass because it is non-toxic and edible.
Hmmm … I see some of you are getting ideas to perhaps go stock on Parliament Gardens’ grass this very midnight since it’s Janu-worry month and the fridge is empty with only a rotten tomato, a blikkie jam and a water jar left in the fridge.
The real facts are that the human stomach has difficulty digesting raw leaves and grass as opposed to cows whose stomachs are specialized to aid in the digestion of grass. Number two, eating grass can also leave you, human beings, with a haasbek (without front teeth) or worse toothless because grass contains a substance called silica, which wears down teeth quickly.
But if you must eat grass and are not yet convinced, add at least a little bit of potato salad or carrots to make the grass more tasteful, vakuetu. In the meantime, I can only feel for our poor cows in the village that have hardly tasted any grass last year and now have to compete with humans for the little that the few rains brought along. Sorry Ngo!
mnunuhe@newera.com.na